I’m Child-Free By Choice, And I’ve Never Once Regretted It
According to Jason Bateman, I should want children. But because I’m child-free, it means I haven’t met the right man yet. Never mind the fact that I’m married to the man of my dreams and that I’ve thanked my lucky stars every day of the eight years I’ve been with him.
Just like Bateman’s recent SmartLess podcast guest, Charli XCX, I have chosen not to have children. His invasive questioning of Charli’s same decision, and his suggestion that the happily married singer will change her mind when she meets the right man, isn’t just some harmless off-the-cuff questioning — it’s indicative of a much wider heteronormative, women’s rights issue.
That widely paraded, outdated idea that women are on this planet to give birth, and if we deviate from this and choose a different path, it means there’s something wrong with us or with our relationships. There’s not. We just chose a different life trajectory.
I have always known I didn’t want children. Sure, I skipped about with dolls as a kid playing house; but as soon as I was old enough to understand what having children meant and everything that came with them, I couldn’t have been more sure that it wasn’t the life for me. And there hasn’t been one day from the age of 16 to my current 41 years that I’ve questioned this decision.
Right from our first date eight years ago, I told my husband that I didn’t want children. In an ideal world, he would have had a child, but it wasn’t important enough to him that he would have stopped his relationship with me to get one. Like the incredible man that he is, he loved me and accepted my stance without once trying to change my mind. We’re now a child-free, happily married couple, delighted with our lives. Neither of us would go back and change things if we could (it’s too late anyway, as I was diagnosed with premature menopause two years ago at 39).
Courtesy of Laura Pearson
Courtesy of Laura Pearson
The retorts are usually the same — “You’ll regret it!” or “Parents are happier than childless people!” — but I don’t regret a thing, and I’ve never been happier. I guess the difference in my case is that I have never craved or dreamed about having a child. But I did crave and dream about having a dog. I would go over and pat any that I met on the street, and would gaze longingly at cute ones on TikTok. We feel complete with our dog now. She’s the centre of our universe, and our family feels complete. Basically, we just prefer dogs over children, and that is OK.
